Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
