just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
