the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
