That's intense
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
