Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
