I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
