Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
