Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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