Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
