Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Green mimosas i think yes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?†With no hesitation
Randomize
