I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
