I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
