I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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