Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
