I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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