and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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