I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
