I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
