I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
