So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
