His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
