Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
