my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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