my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
