Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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