I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
