Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
