Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
