This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
