Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
