Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
