Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
