By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Im part way to drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
