After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Even the bartender felt bad for me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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