god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
