I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
