Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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