Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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