My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
