We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
