Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
