Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
