I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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