i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
