hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
