Hey man sorry I got all grabby
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
