My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
