If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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