Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
