that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
