do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
