I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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