if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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