You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
there is glitter all over my balls
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